Most of Donald Trump’s appointees are incompetent and corrupt. He has usually selected people whom he knows, e.g., his one-time lawyers, golf buddies, and celebrities more notorious than they are renowned. However, the appointments made by the depraved Roman Emperor Elagabalus show us how lucky we are:  “As prefect of the guard he appointed a dancer⁠ who had been on the stage at Rome, as prefect of the watch a chariot-driver named Cordius,⁠ and as prefect of the grain-supply a barber named Claudius,⁠ and to the other posts of distinction he advanced men whose sole recommendation was the enormous size of their privates.”